Tzena Nicole

Sweet words

2012-01-23T00:40:00.000-05:00

A love poem from an old friend. Pamela Joyce Design, who I've known since we were in 8th grade together back in Berlin, sent me this beautiful piece from her nostalgic Americana collection of painted wood signs. It makes me smile every time I look at it. I'm hanging it in my bedroom so that every morning, when I wake up, that's the message I see. Thanks, Pam!

They call him the new Fela: Blitz the Ambassor (& my dance workout)

2012-01-22T16:32:00.000-05:00

spent Friday night dancing around my living room to Blitz the Ambassador's albums. couldn't stop for hours - it was just so good (excellent workout - i'm still sore!). to me, THIS is the future of hip hop - not Drake, Lil Wayne, et al, but these international voices with something bigger to talk about than consumerism and machismo. shout out to my friend, Lisa, for introducing me to this music last summer. i can't get enough! check out all his stuff. this particular video, "Best I Can" from his Native Sun album takes me back to my days vagabonding around Ghana and Togo. those streets, those faces, those markets, my people.... memories.

(it kinda kills me that i lost ALL my east and west Africa pics when my laptop died. ugh)

Pariah

2012-01-22T16:08:00.000-05:00

everyone's talking about Red Tails (which I'll see as soon as I can and def want to support!), but please don't forget the little indie film, Pariah. An alternative NY story that everyone should see.

The mind of the man

2012-01-19T08:59:00.002-05:00

just when i was wondering about understanding the male psyche in the modern, urban dating scene (NYC), i ran across this video. it's in absolutely vulgar street language, but that doesn't change the truth this guy lays down. tough love / insight (ghetto-style...)

What I'm reading: The Art of Fielding

2012-01-18T08:08:00.001-05:00

took me a while to finally go get this book, but better late than never. thought the baseball angle would turn me off, but this story is way bigger than that. you know a book is good when you'll carry this fat hardback on the NYC subway, standing up during commuter rush hour every day.

One legacy of the Civil Rights Movement is that we can laugh WITH each other, no?

2012-01-16T10:41:00.000-05:00

today is the day we celebrate the great accomplishments of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. It's a day about equality and justice and racial understanding. And, therefore, totally inappropriate for these two videos I'm about to post - but I can't resist. Franchesca Ramsey is a new You Tube star with her contributions to the "Sh*t ____ (people) say..." video trend.

Here they are! Shit White Girls Say to Black Girls (parts 1 and 2).

Gig Alert: Taming of the Shrew

2012-01-16T10:25:00.000-05:00

"for 'tis the mind that makes the body rich"

- Petruchio in Act IV Scene 3 of Taming of the Shrew

My friend, director Michael Hagins, called me last minute yesterday asking me to help him out by playing a small role in his new production of Shakespeare's Taming of the Shrew. I said, "What role?" (Like every other actor, "small role" is not something I want to hear...) But he said, "The role is Pedant. You'd get to be drunk in 3 scenes and you'd carry a gun". I said, "I'm in!"
C.A.G.E. Theatre Company
Jan. 25, 27, 28 & 29
More details soon!

Dressing up my Dressform

2012-01-12T06:27:00.001-05:00

got an idea for that dress form i found on the street a while back! thanks to a post on the blog of my old high school friend, Pamela Joyce Designs, my new project will be to turn my dressform....

FROM THIS

(the way I found it on the street)

TO THIS!

(photo from French By Design and Pamela Joyce Designs)

A Dating Coach?

2012-01-11T22:14:00.002-05:00

Today, I met a real life "Hitch" (remember that movie with Will Smith?)! This man is a professional dating/get-girls coach for men. For real. He's a hired wingman. How did I happen meet him? He auditioned for a role in the web series I'm in, "Cuffin'", a comedy about.... dating! Crazy. Not sure I can endorse his methods, but he seemed like a nice enough guy at the audition... Either way, I think it's a cute hustle for a NYC business! www.mrlocario.com

Champagne on tap

2012-01-02T18:15:00.000-05:00

saw this pic on Apartment Therapy today and it made me smile. if only life could be like this. Oh, wait - it can! ....when you live in lap of luxury...

Starting 2012 the right way!

2012-01-01T18:32:00.004-05:00

Why the hell did I sign up to be anywhere at 9:30am on New Year's Day - what was I thinking?! That's what I said (groaned) when my alarm went off at 7:30 this morning. But I couldn't back out of this one. I had committed to delivering meals to working with City Meals on Wheels. I'd wanted to kick off this year with service. So I got up and made my way uptown to the Goddard Riverside Community Center (on time, too - another resolution for the new year). So glad I did! What a meaningful experience. Here's why...

TOP 5 REASONS TO VOLUNTEER ON NEW YEAR'S DAY:

5. Exercise! Many of the homebound seniors on my route lived in fifth floor walk ups... Great thigh and butt workout!

4. Starts your year off on a good note after all the gluttony of Christmas and NYE.

3. Community service feels good.

2. Gives a well deserved break to the good people who do this work EVERY DAY.

1. Because we should ALL do more to help each other.

Year in Review

2012-01-01T18:07:00.002-05:00

MY 2011 IN MONTH TO MONTH HIGHLIGHTS:

JANUARY: the end of the rock star fantasy

a last fun moment with him when i still thought we were something...

FEBRUARY: most humiliating night of my life

i went to his Valentine's Day dinner concert here, only to find out he was dumping me for his ex - who was there, too. humiliating doesn't even begin to describe how that felt.

photo: myrtleavenue.org

MARCH: my first birthday party!

first time i've ever thrown my own bday party...a gang of friends, ace hotel, lots of booze, good times...

APRIL: the dating game

for the first time in my life, i actually dated like a normal person; just going out casually on fun dates with NICE guys - rather than intensely crushing on one poor soul for ages, expecting love & marriage then crumbling over the inevitable let-down. so nice to finally just enjoy the playful side of attraction. (there were a few more than these pics and, in particular, a certain independent music producer who made a big impression on me...but i can't find more pics!) another beautiful dating discovery in 2011: THE BLACK MAN! (not sure how that didn't happen before - blame it on growing up in Europe?...whatever. good times....

MAY: becoming a member of the Earth-allujah family

joining this activist group led by Rev. Billy gave a home. Earth-allujah!

JUNE: back to the bard

it's not really summer if i'm not costumed up, doing Shakespeare in a park somewhere.

JULY: high school reunion - first time in Vegas

Berlin American High School all-graduating-year reunion. My first time in Vegas (I guess we couldn't arrange to meet back in Berlin). I didn't know anyone there, but I still had a blast!

AUGUST: the bridge is over

i stupidly fell back into believing the fantasy that the rock star was my guy. we'd made a pact to meet on the brooklyn bridge 6 months after the nastiness (see February). corny? sure, but it sounded so romantic... of course, he no-showed and i felt like a nincompoop - but it finally knocked some sense into me. Fantasy shattered - reality check! Live in the present with what you've got, not in the fantasy of what may come. Photo credit: Frank Winters

SEPTEMBER: two weddings and a Revolution

busy, world changing month...

OCTOBER: the journey within
therapy can be a beautiful thing... decided to see a male shrink to understand my man-troubles. ...still working on it...

NOVEMBER: CUBA!!!

trip of a lifetime!

DECEMBER: the good spirit

usually, i feel this way about holiday decorations... but, this year, was different. i put up garlands, a tree and stuffing stockings with gifts. really felt good. i'm growing up. Photo c/o NBC Chicago

Gig Alert: Safe Horizons

2011-12-18T13:50:00.004-05:00

This week I was in a sizzle reel for Safe Horizon, a non-profit human rights organization that helps women and children escaping violence and trafficking. I played a victim of sex trafficking who's made a new start thanks to the services of Safe Horizon... The production team was Iron Way Films - awesome guys! The shoot location was Williamsburg, Brooklyn.
And I booked the gig via Facebook (!) - the film director posted on a request for resumes of minority actresses on the wall of a friend of mine who does a lot of commercials. I inboxed the guy immediately, sent him my "press kit" and got the job; no audition! So the message for this one is don't sleep on social media - it's a great tool not just for networking, but for actually booking work.

(That is NOT me in the photo - I'll post my sizzle reel once i get copy. This image is from SafeHorizon.org)

If you know someone being victimized by sex or labor trafficking, please call Safe Horizon's 24 hotline:

1-800-621-HOPE (4673)

Little good deeds = win/ win

2011-12-10T15:57:00.001-05:00

I was at a Cloudforce convention last week and among all the usual product booths, there was this ingenious little stand. The non-profit children's development organization Playworks had letters from young kids in their after-school programs. Convention attendees could read the letters and write letters back: a pen-pal station! Brilliant! Definitely a highlight of the day - and a smart marketing move. Everyone felt the warm fuzzies and the organizations got some exposure. Here's me writing back to an 11 year old boy named Corey who wrote about following dreams...

Gig Alert: Cuffin'

2011-12-09T04:43:00.004-05:00

I just got cast in the new web series Cuffin'! Check out the promo!

Since I always get emails asking about details behind booking gigs, I've decided to answer everyone in this forum:

How'd I book this?
I submitted my headshot and resume via Backstage.com.

What was the audition like?
It was a little different from the usual, which was refreshing. Instead of just reading sides and/or doing a monologue then leaving, this process began with an interview. The show's creator and one of the other actors told me about the project and asked me about myself. Then we talked about the character and upcoming episodes. Next, I read a short voiceover which was filmed. Right after that, I was asked to stay for the callbacks which would be done in group form. About a dozen of us were called back. The creator and director had us improv a scene with the actor who was already playing the love interest of the character we were auditioning for. Improving in front of your competitors! That was kind of exhilarating! Finally, we performed an actual scene from the script - again, in front of everyone - then we were done. It all took about an hour.

Did I know I'd "hit" it during the audition?
No, I wasn't sure about whether I'd be cast, but I felt confident about my choices throughout.

Who is involved in the project?
The creator is Brittney Adina. She's, actually, a dancer and this is her first time doing something like this, but she's got the full package! She writes, produces, directs and stars in this project and 6 episode are already written and scheduled for shooting. This is a woman to watch!
The actor who plays my character's love interest was brilliant at the audition. Frank gave each improv with each actress his full energy, making fresh and generous choices. Yeah, this one's a star in the making!

Why'd I say yes?
I could tell immediately that, while this is a low-budget project, the players are serious and this project will go far. The content is rich and the team is professional, energetic and dedicated.

I'M SO EXCITED TO START!!!

End of the road?

2011-11-13T07:57:00.000-05:00

the little red backpack that could. i've traveled all over the world with this rucksack. i find those huge backpacker ones obnoxious, so i prefer to use this more modest pack. after a trek to Kenya and hiking up Kilimajaro, i promised myself to never carry more than i'd want to carry on my back up a mountain. this little baby has served me well on treks of a weekend to 3 months. but seven years of treks has left it battered - broken zipper, ripped straps... should i replace it or channel the Cuban spirit of repairing and maintaining old things (like they do with those old classic American cars!)?

Cuba!

2011-11-12T22:14:00.000-05:00

I just got back from an amazing journey! I backpacked across Cuba!!! Havana, Santiago, Baracoa, Trinidad, then back to Havana. It was breathtaking.

Good night, Steve. Sweet dreams forever.

2011-10-05T23:37:00.000-04:00

If I can achieve in my life a tenth of what this man did, I will be a great human. Steve Jobs was the ultimate modern visionary. It's because of him that I ever got interested in "tech" at all. What a powerful legacy he's left us with. You can dream so big you can change the world.

5 Tips to Quitting Your Job & Still Making A Living « Clutch Magazine

2011-10-05T04:33:00.000-04:00

5 Tips to Quitting Your Job & Still Making A Living « Clutch Magazine

Clutch Magazine posted a great article about how to transition from a day-job to your passion.

I screwed this up last year and had to return to a full-time survival job; but next time, I'll be smarter, following these steps...

1. Find out what you love so much that you'd do it for free.

2. Set up consulting/freelance work based on your skills.

3. Free your mind from traditional opinions about the status of certain jobs.

4. Determine what your necessary expenses are and cut out non-essentials.

5. Make sure you have several different income sources.

Surfer Girl, Me

2011-10-03T22:52:00.001-04:00

In November, I'm going on vacation in the Caribbean and learning to surf is on the agenda (short agenda: hike around the island, take lots of pics, dance, surf), So this'll be me in a few weeks.... Badass!

Always Learning

2011-10-01T01:46:00.001-04:00

me hemming a flapper dress costume for Xoregos Performance Co.'s production of Harlem on My Mind

During a dry spell earlier this year (didn't have any acting gigs lined up), I worked as a Stage Manager, Production Assistant and Costume Designer. Gotta do what you gotta do... And it's very edifying to experience different parts of this show business. It was invaluable! Turned out to be the best thing I could have done with my down time.

And here are some of those costumes I helped put together:
Photo Credit above: AJ Mistadeyia

Photo Credit below: Anthony Collins

Z. Louis Finney and Paule Aboite

Andrew Cooksey and Emani Spence

They liked me, they really liked me!

2011-09-30T00:31:00.000-04:00

i get the giggles when i get good news

It's always a little thrilling to get a good review for your work. I'm very grateful for this nice mention by the Hoboken Patch for the dual roles I played in Hudson Shakespeare Company's production of A Midsummer Night's Dream back in June and July.

Yes, please!

2011-09-29T23:56:00.000-04:00

i'm all about this

Wall Street Protests

2011-09-28T07:44:00.000-04:00

Collage of protest signs at Liberty Plaza on Sept. 25th, 2011

If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything.

Homework

2011-09-27T21:28:00.001-04:00

caught me doing some inner character work assigned by my new acting coach - who is kicking my ass, by the way. she's straight-up, no joke. i cried on the first day... sounds weird, but she's EXACTLY what i need for my confidence; i'm breaking through my barriers now!

Becoming Shameless

2011-09-26T16:37:00.000-04:00

from a recent photoshoot

I love reading about entrepreneurs because they energize me; and building your acting career is much like being an entrepreneur building a new company... The other day, I watched "The Mentor" on Bloomberg TV and one crucial piece of advice given was "Be shameless about advancing your business". That hit home because I know I've held myself back by being a little too shy, thinking modesty was classier. Truth is it's the squeaky wheel that gets oiled! Shameless self-promotion is necessary when if you want to advance your career. So here goes! I'm booking my own photoshoots, doing my own PR, reaching out to decision-makers more directly.... I'm getting shameless!

Heros Among Us

2011-09-10T11:29:00.000-04:00

me and Mr. Prince in his garden

There's a little garden in Clinton Hill (Brooklyn) where a sweet old man named Mr. Prince has been growing all kinds of fruits and veggies to feed hungry neighbors with for 40 years. This is real community activism. Thank you, Mr. Prince. If only every neighborhood had this kind of real food pantry....

Last show is always hard

2011-06-26T23:40:00.003-04:00

So hard to say goodbye. Singing in this choir has meant more to me than any other stage production I've been in. Very sad to end it tonight, but excited to start up again in September!

(p.s. I'm in the very back row, far right...)

Midsummer Night's Dream

2011-06-25T17:10:00.001-04:00

I'm playing Titania (the fairy queen) and Hippolyta in Hudson Shakespeare's production of Midsummer Night's Dream.

Photo Credit: http://stratford.patch.com/articles/relive-a-midsummer-nights-dream#photo-6654149

Dates, Times & Locations:

- Sat., June 18. 2pm @ Stratford, CT
- Mon., June 20. 7pm @ Sinatra Park in Hoboken, NJ*
- Tue., June 21. 7:30pm @ Monument Park in Fort Lee, NJ
- Wed., June 22. 7:30pm @ Staib Park in Hackensack, NJ
- Mon., June 27. 7pm Sinatra Park in Hoboken, NJ*
- Tue., June 28. 7:30pm Monument Park in Fort Lee, NJ
- Wed., June 29. 7:30pm Staib Park in Hackensack, NJ
- Fri., July 1. 7pm @ Van Vorst Park in Jersey City, NJ*

Photos below c/o Hudson Shakespeare:

Who needs the Maury show...?

2011-05-22T13:35:00.002-04:00

when you can get a court approved DNA paternity test right in the drug store... Wow.

Gig Alert: Earthalujah!

2011-03-17T05:19:00.001-04:00

I'll be singing in the choir of the Earthalujah! show. Rev. Billy is a renegade sage who leads a revival-style activist movement for the rights of people over corporations. I've been a fan for years!

Theatre 80 (on 8th St @ 1st Ave)

7:30pm Sundays
$10 (sugg. don.)

Visualizing the Benchmarks

2011-02-27T06:35:00.001-05:00

....gotta dream big...

Gig Alert: Skype Duet

2011-02-26T06:44:00.001-05:00

I'll be performing in "Skype Duet" today. This is an international play streamed live online with interaction between casts in Berlin and NYC. It's about "loneliness, the need for human connection, internet mediated communication, and the relationships between them". Tune in!

Starting Small

2011-02-15T21:02:00.002-05:00

...picking clothing for a commercial shoot i was cast in...

when i get to the "big time" they'll have wardrobe for me! ;-)

Love, Peace & Forgiveness: A Hiroshima Story

2011-01-29T12:01:00.002-05:00

I had the incredible honor of meeting Mr. Takeshi "Thomas" Tanemori, a survivor of the Hiroshima atomic bombing. His story is shocking. His life is a lesson in ultimate humanity. I was in a group of nine actors who read poems in English and Japanese on the bombings, the aftermath, and the concepts of revenge and forgiveness. And then Mr. Tanemori spoke to the audience. Not one person moved, the room was pin-drop-silent - everyone felt the immensity of his words. If we could harness the power of peace...

Love and Peace 2010 - Revenge to Forgiveness. Poetry Reading and Hiroshima Survivor's Story

First row (l to r): Yumi Tanaka (Director, Producer), Mr. Tanemori and his seeing-eye dog, and Keiko Tsuyama

Second row (l to r): Geneva Carr, Ikuma Isaac, ____, me, Scott Sowers, Donna Tsufura, Asuka Derfler

"I don't believe in God, I believe in Al Pacino"

2010-12-30T07:53:00.003-05:00

Javier Bardem on Charlie Rose Dec. 28, 2010

That's what Spanish actor Javier Bardem said. Provocative, yes, and he made a brilliant point. He also talked about committing to roles 100% and putting yourself aside to ensure the character you're portraying is completely expressed. Check out the interview. The man is a true artist.

Keep Your Eyes Open

2010-12-27T15:16:00.005-05:00

It's important to have representation. This article on Tamara Tunie's allegedly being ripped off (to the tune of over a million dollars!) is a reminder that no matter who you hire, you have to keep your eyes open. This actress has been working steadily for decades (As The World Turns, Law & Order SVU), she's made the career we'd all kill for and stayed in NYC (the best city on the planet!) doing it, winning praise all along the way. She did everything right.... And still she's been victimized. We, artists, love to get lost in the world of creativity and ignore boring/labyrinthian finance matters, so long as the bills are getting paid and we've got fun money. That doesn't work. Like Snoop, you've got to keep your mind on money and your money on your mind...

What was I saying about mentors....? Exhibit A:

2010-12-16T21:11:00.003-05:00

Anthony Mackie photographed for Interview Magazine

I love Anthony Mackie's success story: the power of good mentorship, trusting your talent in the face of challengers, and picking smart projects. Read or listen here for free. It's great to see him rising and it's awesome to see a different kind of Black story told on film. Go see "Night Catches Us"!

Stage Managing in Between Gigs

2010-12-14T12:29:00.002-05:00

A few weeks ago, I wasn't able to make it to an audition, but something told me that I should offer my services behind the scenes, just to stay involved and keep busy. Sure enough, the Director was happy for the extra help and I am now working as Stage Manager on Harlem on My Mind produced by Xoregos Performing Company. This could be a great strategic move for actors between jobs. I'm staying connected, working on an interesting project, networking, and learning new skills (graphic design for a postcards, for example)... This was definitely a good gamble, whether I get cast in their future productions or not!

How to ruin a good thing

2010-12-13T12:07:00.003-05:00

I freaked out. I like the guy, he likes me, but it's new so we're not exclusive. And that started to get to me. I should have let that go, but I couldn't. I began to imagine him going out with other women and it made me so angry/hurt that I stood him up for our last date. Which, of course, is self-sabotage. Now, I've jeopardized the whole thing. Great. And for nothing! He's a sweet man and nothing else mattered this early in the game.
I need a smack.

Mentors - Get One!

2010-12-08T14:02:00.004-05:00

Mentor c/o Rediff

Whew. Been a minute since I've posted. All I can say is that I've fallen in love with an incredible man* and the giddiness has distracted me!

Now, I'm back and I want to talk about what it means to have a mentor. As actors, we live and practice our profession in little bubbles of self-centeredness interrupted by the odd class and/or gig. That internal focus is important to our development and understanding of others, it also serves the inner shyness many of us have. I recently learned the power of reaching out to another actor for career guidance. I needed new monologues and rather than doing my usual internet troll, I decided to ask an actor friend who I greatly admire to give me a couple of recommendations. And, boy, did he come through! Yeah, that seems like a simple thing, but we actors actually don't reach out to each other enough. Too often we toil alone and only come out to compete. This was my lesson. Having a trusted guide in the trenches with you is a great confidence booster. Now, it's my turn to pay it forward. Community spirit!

*Guess what? It's the guy who I thought had rejected me back in October! ...life always surprises...

Positive Thinking - And Follow Up Work

2010-10-13T19:47:00.002-04:00

Positive Thinking

This is kinda freaky - in a good way. On Friday, I did a little personal affirmation chant that I would book a commercial job this week. Then I submitted to a couple of casting listings in Back Stage. Right away, I got invited in for a Tuesday audition. This afternoon, I got the call that I booked the gig! ...if it could only be this easy all the time... ;-)

Magic? Not quite. Affirmative thinking, focused marketing and preparation. Thanks, Coach!

The Folly of Meet-the-Agent Events

2010-10-12T19:46:00.002-04:00

Networking

Actors get so much advice from people in "the industry". One of the standards is "Go to those meet-the-agent events, they're great for networking!" These events for which agents and casting directors are paid to attend and for which actors are charged a fee, are big business in NYC. In L.A., they're illegal, but folks get around that by presenting the events as "workshops".
It always smelled funny to me to pay someone for the honor of being in their presence and the actor testimonials were just never convincing. There was just too little evidence of real partnerships building from these. Still, we're encouraged to spend our cash in hopes that the magical moment will happen there for us.
I was considering coughing up another couple hundred bucks for one of these, when I read an article in Back Stage today that knocked the sense back into me. Basically, Michael Kostroff, writer of the "Working Actor" column, suggests that paying money to meet people only makes you look pathetic. Right on! Finally, some common sense!
The best way to network (besides performing your ass off!) is to use connections you already have and/or socialize with the people you want to work with. No pay to play!

Good to be Scared!

2010-10-11T12:04:00.003-04:00

Edvard Munch's "The Scream"

So, in this funk that I'm in, I got in a conversation with an old friend. (Soooo helpful to have people in my life who have known me since before I got all angsty and confused.) Mike's been fam since grade school. and we've stayed constant through continental moves, family crises, colossal failure and modest success. I love that and I love him for remaining grounded and honest.
Anyway, I was doing my woe-is-me spiel, when he cut me short and asked me why I chose acting. I gave my usual response about escaping myself, but he pressed me. Had I just picked something that sounded good, or was I looking for personal growth? Why? Then he told me about a seasoned jazz singer who'd told him that she's still unsure everyday what she wants to do or who to be. She doesn't perform out of love. She literally performs to scare herself - to push herself passed her own boundary. In that way, performing becomes an activity that truly serves her. That got to me. And the Mike challenged me to try that: Take one project at a time - one day at a time - without commitment to anything more than learning something about yourself; to simply choose to scare myself for the edification, and then decide whether to try again the next day or not.
That's radical thinking for me. I assumed I had to love this. It's a whole different ball game to think it's ok, and even good, for it to scare me! So tomorrow, I'm scaring myself by pushing past anything I've done before - and I won't look any further into the future than that. Oh, boy.

identity crisis #.... who knows?....

2010-10-11T11:23:00.001-04:00

Who am I?

this has been a tough week. been in a funk. chalking it up the recent personal rejection combined with some disappointment with my own slacking on the career front. as an artist, you need to constantly be creating. the minute you stop the action, you lose the identity, right? and then what/who are you?

Afro Work

2010-10-08T20:21:00.001-04:00

I'm tired of my high-maintenance afro. I'm transitioning from relaxed to natural hair. It's so gratifying to be 100% me - no straighteners, no weaves. And I love the DIY fun of concocting my own moisturizers and conditioners to keep this whole natural theme going. But I'm not used to "doing" my hair everyday - spritzing, wrapping, co-washing... Why can't I just wake up and effortlessly look like this...?

Model Tomiko Fraser

How To Be Alone

2010-10-07T15:26:00.003-04:00

Been spending a lot of time home alone lately, so I've hit that point where you start to wonder whether you're just alone or seriously lonely. The other day I was teetering toward the latter then I saw this video and it made me smile.

Old Time Radio

2010-10-06T15:22:00.002-04:00

Lurene Tuttle (left) and Rosalind Russell in "The Sisters" on Suspense in 1948.

I have to confess that despite living in a world of 3D tv, interactive motion-sensitive video games, virtual reality and hi-def everything... my favorite entertainment at home, besides dancing around my living room, is listening to radio stories from the 1940s and '50s. I feel like a senior citizen just saying that. But these stories performed on low-tech, with one guy making all the movement sounds and a couple of actors performing into a mic with the script in their hands, are just so well-written and well-acted that they stand the test of time. In fact, they beat our modern, overly stimulating, hyperactive, digital entertainment any day! So for my afternoon break, I'm about to turn on an episode of "Suspense" from the Relic Radio podcast... So relaxing.

On taking risks

2010-10-05T10:05:00.006-04:00

Met a cool guy. He noticed me. We flirted. A crush was developing. I could feel myself slipping down the rabbit hole of fantasy without any confirmation of his intention. So for the first time ever, I broke out of my shell and asked him flat out if he might be interested in getting to know me. ....Haven't heard from him since.

It was terrifying to put myself out there like that. But I'm so glad I did. I feel stronger and braver.

What's weird is that I'd prepared for "Yes!" or "No...", but the silence caught me off guard. Had to remind myself that no answer is also an answer: NO.

The beat goes on...

Epilogue: he got back to me 2 days later to say he's not available. *sigh*

The simple things...

2010-09-12T09:24:00.001-04:00

mmmmmmmm. Sweet yellow watermelon from the farmers' market.

Got a Coach!

2010-08-29T08:59:00.002-04:00

An actress friend of mine in Los Angeles turned me on to Dallas Travers. Just went to my first class with her and I'm hooked. She's got a proven method and a philosophy that aligns with all my personal and professional goals. I'm so excited!

check her website to buy her book or sign up with her!

Website is live!

2010-08-23T20:20:00.001-04:00

http://www.tzena-nicole.com/

I feel so professional now! Boxxmedia.com hooked me up with a beautiful site that showcases Peter Hurley Studios' photography and my humble credits.

Gig: "Better Left Unsaid?"

2010-04-11T21:42:00.003-04:00

Tomorrow, I'll be playing a single lesbian trying to adopt a child in a cold reading of Joey Brenneman's play "Better Left Unsaid?". That'll be two lesbian roles in a row for me. Ha! But I'm not complaining - it's always good to be working.
The playwright confused my name with my email address so when I picked up the script, it was addressed to "Nicole Gray". And I kinda like that....has a good ring to it. (Certainly better than my crazy last name!). Time for a new stage name?

-- Post From My iPhone

Need a Coach

2010-04-01T00:06:00.002-04:00

I'm watching a documentary on the basketball coach, Bob Hurley, at St. Anthony's and it's making me think about the power of outside force. It's not just talent that makes success, it's the push. Some people carry that drive within, but most of us need prodding all along the way. And the people who do that, for no glory, are fiery angel/devils.
Image: NJ.com

First Manhattan, Then Berlin

2010-03-30T11:01:00.003-04:00

Am I seriously considering moving to Berlin? I definitely need a change of scenery. Part of me wants to run away from some complicated personal s*%# here. Another part of me loves adventure and the freedom of starting over. And a third part of me thinks it would be a smart career move. But I wondered how I could want to leave NYC, the greatest city on Earth. Then I heard old Leonard Cohen singing "First We Take Manhattan, Then We Take Berlin". That was like a sign.

Gig: S/He

2010-03-29T12:50:00.003-04:00

Last week I performed in a staged reading of a new play called "S/He" by Nick Mwaluko. Great cast and great producers - Mixed Phoenix. Getting this part was a huge success for me because I was invited to audition for a supporting character, but I really wanted a shot at the lead. The director reluctantly gave me a chance so I poured myself into preparation for the audition. Then, stupidly, I got my wisdom teeth removed two hours before the audition. (What was I thinking?) I really thought the numbness would subside in time. Of course, it didn't but there was only one shot at the audition, so, totally numb from the nose down and bleeding, I went anyway and delivered my performance in the voice of Elmer Fudd. Shockingly, I got it! Lesson: Show up and give everything you've got; talent shines through all obstacles.

Anyway, the play is an edgy piece about a transgender woman transitioning from female to male. The writing is raw, confrontational, and touching. Nick Mwaluko is in the Public Theater's Emerging Writers Group. Wish him much success!

Oprah had to shave her head once, too!

2010-03-15T12:56:00.001-04:00

I'm still struggling with my short hair so it was comforting to learn that even the mighty Oprah once lost all her hair her at the hands of an overzealous stylist, too. Check her video explaining the disaster - here.

Hers grew back long, strong and thick. So can mine.
Thanks BGLHonline.com for the inspiration.

Lessons from the internet dating game

2010-02-28T10:53:00.003-05:00

I'm not even close to the halfway mark of my goal, but I've gone on enough internet dates now to learn a few things:

1. The internet is for practice only. Really meeting people has to happen in real life in real circumstances. The internet is just a great tool to sharpen your dating skills.

2. Meet up quickly. No use investing time and energy in endless emails/IMs/texts, then meeting up and finding out there's no real physical chemistry there.

3. Keep the first date short. Meet up for a happy hour drink and leave within 1.5 hours. Then meet up with friends. If he never calls back you won't feel like you've wasted time and if he is interested, you've left him wanting more. Capping the time also helps you avoid awkward intimacy issues that come up when you hang out until the wee hours (kiss or no kiss, touch or no touch... all this should be saved for another date).
4. Drinking is ok (it loosens you up), just keep to a 2 drink limit (don't get too loose).

5. Dress your absolute best. Show off whatever figure assets you've got. (Tastefully, of course!) You are definitely being judged on how you look - that's reality.

6. Do something empowering before the date. Workout, pay a debt, beat a challenge, whatever.... Your confidence will be boosted and whatever flaws you're self-conscious about will feel more under control.

7. Keep the conversation positive and interesting. Talk about your passions.

8. Don't talk about past relationships, your job, things you detest... Nobody wants to hear all that the first time they meet you.

9. Remember what your Mama said, "If you don't have anything good to say, don't say anything at all." So watch what you say and pay attention to what he says. Beware of dubious compliments like "You're cute" or "Your look is really earthy"... A real compliment from a guy comes in the way he would brag about you to his friends, "She's beautiful" or "She's gorgeous"... not "She's got an interesting style"..."

10. Even great dates can result in nothing. People are good actors. You can have an awesome date, he can tell you he's had a great time and looks forward to seeing you again, but then you never hear from him again. It happens. And we do that to guys sometimes, too. So enjoy the date for what it is, an opportunity to meet a new person and have a quick drink - nothing more.

11. Profile photos: Post pics that others have taken of you; too many of the self-portrait "arm-out" shots gets weird. Don't post pics with your ex cut-out or blacked-out (that just screams psycho). If your weight is up and down, post pics showing you both ways; that way nobody's unpleasantly surprised. No more than one picture should be shirtless (what are you actually selling?). Photos showing you doing you favorite activities are great; so are shots showing you with your friends - it shows you have a life.

12. Pay attention. The majority of communication is non-verbal. Tune in. You'll learn more about your date and yourself that way.

Tiny Apartment Design

2010-02-27T10:59:00.004-05:00

I've been obsessed with Ron Marvin's apartment design ever since I saw it on Apartment Therapy's 2007 Smallest Coolest Apartment contest. It's seriously inspirational how elegant he's made 300 tiny square feet look...

Why I will always answer my phone now

2010-02-26T02:31:00.003-05:00

German Speed Skater Misses Olympic Competition Because He Didn't Answer His Cell Phone

Patrick Beckert missed a shot Olympic medal. Poor kid went shopping after his coaches advised him not to go to the arena because there'd be no chance that, as a 4th alternate, he'd be called on. What's up with these coaching mistakes? The Dutch skater's coach advises a foul lane-change and now this?
The lesson here is follow your instinct (Beckert repeatedly asked to go to the arena, but was told not to) and answer every call because it could change your life.

Image: SportSchau.de

2010-02-05T07:07:00.001-05:00

p.s. I was temporarily seduced by the iPad's price, but regained my senses. I will not be adding it to my tech family. And as for the State of the Union, i liked seeing the Supreme Court justice getting indignant and the high ranking military guy standing up to applaud the idea of ending Don't Ask Don't Tell.

Apple v. Obama

2010-01-27T06:46:00.001-05:00

Possible Apple slate image from Engadget.

I can't decide which of the events expected later today is less underwhelming: Apple's new product announcement or the President's first State of the Union address. The only thing interesting about the State of the Union event is the ceremonial pomp and circumstance in the Senate and whatever Apple comes out with won't be affordable (for me) for 2 years.

Best company when you're sick

2010-01-25T19:53:00.002-05:00

...he's camera shy...but he's still the best entertainment you can have while stuck at home (he's all wide eyed here because he's just been stalking his fish toy).

-- Post From My iPhone

Republicans win Massachussets Senate Seat

2010-01-20T06:50:00.001-05:00

Teddy Kennedy is turning over in his grave, right now.

HELP HAITI NOW

2010-01-13T07:15:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, an earthquake of over 7 on the Richter Scale hit Haiti. We all know that now. But what can we do? How can we help? Everybody can't pick up and run there to offer a hand. Prayer is great, but it isn't enough. Here is a list of easy things we can do RIGHT NOW to give resources to programs that are already on the ground in Haiti:

1. Red Cross - make a donation on the website or text the word "HAITI" to the tel # 90999, an automatic $10 donation will be made to the Red Cross' earthquake emergency response fund.
2. Support Doctors Without Borders. They work in 3 free hospitals in and around the capital, serving the slum areas and shanty towns that have been completely destroyed by the quake. Make a donation on their website or volunteer in any of their offices to support logistics.
3. Support Partners in Health. By teaming up with Haitian doctors and nurses they've been able to provide free and permanent health care in remote communities since 1987. Make a donation on their website AND do this simple thing: add a supportive signature to your email via Reply For All which will make a small donation to Partners in Health every time an email is sent with this signature. Instructions are here.
4. Contact your local Goodwill or Salvation Army to see if they are donating supplies to Haiti. Many are (and more will, if we ask).
5. Yele - This is artist Wyclef Jean's non-profit organization providing community service in Port-au-Prince. Send a text with the word "Yele" to the tel # 510 510 which will result in an automatic donation of $5 do the organization.

And of course, we should support the standard organizations that have been there for decades: UNICEF, WORLD VISION, SAVE THE CHILDREN.

There's so much more, but we can all do these things TODAY for a start.

Haiti map courtesy of Lonely Planet.

Day 2 - The Master Cleanse

2010-01-12T10:56:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, I started the The Master Cleanse (daily "lemonade" fast of lemons, water, cayenne pepper and maple syrup followed by nightly salt water flushes) . This is my first time and my will power's too weak to make it through the 10 day standard, so I'll only do 5. First of all, let me say that I caved a little yesterday - not badly, though, and I got right back on track afterwards. The cravings were just making me delirious. Today, however, my resistance is already a lot higher and the cravings are a lot less powerful. As for my body's reaction to this cleanse. Let's just say Day 1 was followed by a rocky night. This thing is not pretty. I'm quarantining myself to a work-home-yoga regimen for the duration. Good Lord...

The Freshman 15 - in my Junior Year

2010-01-11T09:06:00.000-05:00

When my skinny jeans wouldn't come up my thighs, I thought things were bad. When my fat jeans were tight, I knew things were out of control . The scale confirmed it Saturday: I've put on 13 lbs since November (and probably 15% more fat). Unacceptable. What happened? I let cheese back into my life for all the holidays (damn!), but more importantly, I just stopped moving - completely. I cut out all exercise to make time for schoolwork. So I was sitting at work all day, then sitting at home all night. Result: Fat and flabbiness. Yikes. So I'm jumping back into my regimen and I've teamed up with a friend, to keep us both motivated. Starting tonight, we'll hit yoga class twice a week. And, looks like I'll have to go back to a gym membership so I can squeeze in an early morning spin class and get into the sauna a couple times a week. These thighs will not be rubbing together by Valentine's Day.

Blog Love: Nappy Sexy Fly

2010-01-10T08:07:00.002-05:00

Image of one of the stunning natural hair models posted on NappySexyFly

While doing my daily inspirational read of BGLH this morning, I got introduced to a fierce and fiery blog on natural hair called NappySexyFly. From Ayoka's story of her daughter's beautiful hair, to her scathing review of the film Precious, to her poetry, this blog woke me up. Best part was reading her account of the "scalpgasm" she had as her husband massaged her head. That was the single best argument ever made against weaves - makes me want to rip these bangs out now (and find a beautiful man to make my own head tingle)!

African Simpsons

2009-12-29T06:34:00.001-05:00

How did I miss this back in August???

To be aired in Angola, the characters were altered to better connect to their new audience. Marge always did look like she was rockin' a fro...!
Image

Done!!!

2009-12-20T17:45:00.000-05:00

It's over! The hardest school semester I have ever had has finally ended. I've learned my lesson: never again will I over commit myself. I got through it, but it wasn't pretty. From now on, no more than 2 courses per term while working. Anyway, it's done, now I want to celebrate!

Image

Sade's back!

2009-12-04T16:22:00.003-05:00

Valentine's Day is going to be so sexy.

Black Friday

2009-11-27T18:58:00.000-05:00

The only thing we have to fear is greed itself.

Great Date Spot

2009-11-27T18:32:00.001-05:00

Last Friday, one of the guys I went out with was a charming Venetian who invited me to a restaurant in Newark. Yeah, that scared me at first, but the place was a nice surprise. Mompou in the Ironbound district. Cute Spanish tapas place.
Oh, and the guy was nice, too. Might see him again... ;-)

Friends and Holidays

2009-11-27T18:22:00.002-05:00

Spent Thanksgiving with a good friend this year. It was so sweet of her to invite me and I had a great time. I'm so thankful for all my friendships.

My Song

2009-11-25T15:17:00.001-05:00

Had a breakthrough in voice class at last week. Been working on "Heaven Help My Heart" as an audition piece and finally nailed the technical bits of the vocals down nicely. Never seen Chess, but my mom and I used to sing the duet "I Know Him So Well" when I was a kid. Ah.

A Face in the Crowd

2009-11-25T11:44:00.002-05:00

Sometimes watching a movie can be a master class in acting. Last night my little red Netflix envelope took me to school. A Face in the Crowd. Every actor should see it.

p.s. The "special features" section of the DVD gives new insight into Elia Kazan that makes it a little harder to vilify him...

Photo credit: IMDB

Love: How? Where?

2009-11-19T15:49:00.001-05:00

My last post must have been a bit unsettling. I never think anyone is reading this and then I post a comment like that and my phone starts ringing with friends asking if I'm ok. So, first of all, thank you for caring and reading, even if you don't leave written comments... ;-)

And now, to offset that last post, I'm going to write about something fun. Love! ...or the pursuit of it... If you remember, I set a goal of going on 50 dates in one year - basically one date a week. Then I stalled; I just didn't have the time or the heart. Bah humbug! The Plenty of Fish dating website registration was useless, I was overwhelmed by random men requesting to text/email/IM me at all hours of the day and night. (Who has the time? Don't these guys have jobs?!) A friend of mine said it best: "There are a lot of desperate guys out there". It's really sexist that we only hear stories about how desperate single women are because there is no doubt that there are just as many, if not more, men in the same position. But I told myself to loosen up and allowed 2 of the guys to email me privately. Big mistake! One called and texted me obsessively dozens of times a day then sent me insults for not replying; the other IM'ed me detailed accounts of his gay/bi fantasies AT MY JOB (blocked him immediately, but it was still embarrassing)!

So I decided to go back to the real world and date men I could assess in person and in normal situations. An old friend confessed his "feelings" for me and asked out on a proper first date. I had serious doubts (not only because of our friendship, but because I wasn't attracted to him and feared a bad ending). But I said yes, anyway. Another mistake! The date was, of course, awkward and exactly what I'd feared happened: I hurt his feelings and, now, I've lost a friend.

What's even weirder is that during that very date, another guy asked me out. He was a Fabio-esque Frenchmen tending bar (which, it turned out, he owned) where I was waiting for my friend. He was bold and fun, so I accepted his dinner invitation, evn though he was not at all my type. A week later, we trolled the Lower East Side, slipping in and out of brasseries and sloppily making out while the Yankees won the World Series. Sure, a mistake, but a fun one! French Fabio made me feel adventurous. Like a gentleman, he called the next day and the next...and like a jackass, I ignored all the calls. How to let this guy down easily. He didn't want a serious relationship, so it wouldn't have been a big deal, but was so afraid of just saying the words - I even asked my therapist about it (she told me to just do it, it'd be good exercise for me). That was two weeks ago and I still haven't called back.

Wait, this post was supposed to be fun, right? I guess the fun part was that I felt so much freer flirting face to face. The online thing is just too removed. There's something sexy about about the nervous energy in the air when you meet a guy face to face - whereas there's nothing sexy about being harassed in cyberspace.

I've got 3 dates lined up this week - all on Friday, so that'll be interesting...

Shedding Shame

2009-11-10T20:39:00.001-05:00

I heard Mo'Nique name her abuser on international television and it proved to me that what I'd considered impossible was possible. Thank you, Mo'Nique. Thank you a million times over.
(p.s. I read "Push" 15 years ago and thought no film could have its raw power, but your portrayal of Mary Jones is simply earth-shattering. The Oscar will be yours!)

Photo credit: Essence

The Naughtiest Thing You Can Do In Bed

2009-11-09T22:33:00.004-05:00

I'm being very naught in bed right now...
Ha, I wish it was something sexy! No. Actually, I'm committing a cardinal sin: working in bed. To keep up with all this schoolwork, I've gotten into the nasty habit of bringing the textbooks and laptop to bed and working until I fall asleep.

Persistence!

2009-09-29T17:11:00.005-04:00

A fellow artist at my day-job sent me this quote as an affirmation of my recommitment to acting as profession:

“Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan 'press on' has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.”

It filled me up with pride for all of us who keep at it.

The National Parks - See It!

2009-09-28T18:51:00.003-04:00

Old Faithful in Yellowstone National Park

Image credit: Florentine Films

I get two channels on the new HDTV system (yes only 2), and I made sure one of them was Channel 13. PBS is just leagues ahead of everything network and cable tv offer, and WNET schedules it perfectly. Ken Burns has done it again with his captivating documentary "The National Parks - America's Best Idea". This is education. This is a master class in our history. This made me proud of the land I'm so lucky to be part of.

Yosemite Valley painted by Albert Bierstadt in 1868. Most expensive painting ever sold in the U.S. still today! ($25,000 - a fortune in its time)

Image credit: Oakland Museum of Art

Cheese Made Me Fat!

2009-09-11T11:11:00.009-04:00

I've lost 13 pounds just since dropping dairy 3 weeks ago!
Image credit: EHow.com

The Pressure to Spend

2009-09-11T10:11:00.009-04:00

Bummed out. Have house-guests and I, literally, don't have a cent to spend on taking them out (tuition, books, and rent sucked up my last 2 checks) - nevermind that I'm short on time, too. So embarrassing. Alone, I would be perfectly fine, but having guests, especially in New York, means that you're expected to show everyone a good time (whether it's SATC style or quirky underground style) and even doing that on the cheap can add up.

Now, I'll probably overspend come payday, just to to impress them and make up for doing nothing this week. Vicious cycle.

Finding A Safe Place

2009-09-11T09:42:00.005-04:00

My therapist asked me to think about a place/situation/activity that gives me strength. The more I thought of it, the more I realized it was dance. So I'm putting Quenia's Samba class back into my weekly routine.

The idea of sanctuary is really powerful. I always thought I was faithless, but if dance is my religion, I'll be happy and strong.
Image credit: DontPanic.com

Education: Bad Lectures

2009-09-08T14:39:00.005-04:00

The great thing about online learning is that thanks to plethora of info on the internet, people from every style of learning can succeed. The system breaks down when professors or students rely too much on old fashioned learning/teaching devices. I'm struggling to stay awake through the long lectures my philosophy prof keeps giving in heavily accented ESL and with no visuals but fuzzy MS WORD documents. I'm tuning out and we haven't even gotten to Socrates yet. Why in the age of YouTube do I have to suffer through boring, low-tech lectures? It's like watching your neighbor's 80 slide presentation on their family vacation in Nebraska. Oy.
Image credit Gozde Otman

Career: Looking Beyond Homebase

2009-09-06T21:26:00.004-04:00

An invitation to audition for a theatre production Broward Staged Door Theatre near Ft. Lauderdale, which I got this weekend, seems like an answered prayer.

p.s. The business of acting coach cancelled our appointment, she had a call back for a commercial.

Image credit: Broadway Stag Door Theatre

The Cat

2009-09-05T23:02:00.003-04:00

I adopted a kitten from a rescue shelter today, Companion Animal Trust. He's adorable, loud, energetic, smart, and trying very hard to adjust to his new digs.

Love: POF?

2009-09-04T10:19:00.005-04:00

This going on one date a week thing is not working. I just don't bother. So I just asked a friend who's been seeing guys 3-4 times a week what her secret is. She said, "Plenty of Fish". Free online dating and good quality candidates. I'm in. Setting up a profile tonight.

Health: Dairy Free

2009-09-03T23:11:00.002-04:00

It's been 3 weeks without dairy (well, I've kept butter) and I feel great. Dropped a couple of pounds, too. Now that I can't just grab a slice of pizza when I feel snackish, I make much better (healthier) choices. I've even, painlessly, kicked my addiction to Chipotle burritos (and margaritas). No difficult adjustment period, it was like my body was just waiting for me to do this.

Finances: Hooray for Flex Spending

2009-09-03T22:50:00.001-04:00

Confused my days, should have blogged about finances yesterday.
Anyway, I, finally, got hip to Flex Spending Accounts thanks to a few coworkers' overhearing me complain about subway fares. 35% savings on my pre-tax dollars! I've been throwing away money for years.

-- Post From My iPhone

Education: Books and Depps

2009-09-03T12:02:00.002-04:00

Books are, finally, coming in. It was a bonehead move to order them at the last minute. Lesson learned.
p.s. The third yacht in the background is Johnny Depp's VaJoLiRoJa!

-- Post From My iPhone

Stress and Release?

2009-09-03T11:55:00.002-04:00

Passed this store front yesterday on the Upper West Side and had to take a pic. Off Track Betting and Bikram Yoga - in the same building. Perfect dichotomy of relaxation and stress. Or maybe not so opposite; both can make you sweat.

- Post From My iPhone

Spirit: A New York Thing?

2009-09-01T23:38:00.001-04:00

I can see how people get addicted to psychotherapy and start seeing their therapist multiple times a week. All week I look forward to my appointment. It's such a relief.

-- Post From My iPhone

Education: Behind already?

2009-09-01T02:23:00.001-04:00

Where are all the text books I ordered?!

-- Post From My iPhone

Career: Identity Crisis

2009-08-30T18:53:00.002-04:00

Why the hell am I still wasting my time at a day job?

Also, I watched Harlem in Montmartre today on PBS and realized that my time in New York is coming to an end. Ready to move on, soon.

-- Post From My iPhone

Service: Cutting back

2009-08-29T23:50:00.001-04:00

Even though I've reduced my plastic usage, I've still gotten 8 plastic bags a week - mostly with take out food...I KNOW!

-- Post From My iPhone

Love:

2009-08-29T23:45:00.001-04:00

Hmm.

-- Post From My iPhone

Health: Yoga to the People

2009-08-27T14:22:00.004-04:00

I worked with a wonderful musical theatre actress in The Merry Wives of Windsor, Ann Elyse, and she kept mentioning a yoga studio called Yoga to the People. When she said their classes were only $7, I knew I had to try them. Tuesday, I finally did and it was fan-bloody-tastic! I'm hooked. I took the Hot Yoga Flow class which differs from Bikram yoga only in that the series of positions is not restricted to Bikrams twice repeated 26 asanas (the room is still 105°F). It was a real challenge - not just for me but for seasoned yogis in the room. We all had to take breaks several times, but I stuck with it for the full 90 minutes and I'm so proud of that. It was, actually, great to do an activity in which everyone was sweating profusely, not just me!

Image credit: Yoga to the People

Finances: Books and Snacks

2009-08-27T14:10:00.004-04:00

Ooops, I was supposed to write about money yesterday, but got distracted by a little heartbreak...

Money's too tight to mention, as the song goes. Why are school books so damned pricey? Thank God for places like Amazon.com and other sites that cut great deals on used books. Why doesn't my favorite bookstore Strand Books sell textbooks? I'd really prefer to spend my money in a local business like them.

Anyway, between monthly tuition payments and almost $400 for textbooks, I got no money left for "entertainment". I've had to downscale all my dinner plans to picnics - and I kind of like that better! It's so much more personal to share food you've made than to pass around a plate you've ordered and worry about splitting tabs.

Spirit: Truths and Consequences

2009-08-25T13:19:00.004-04:00

So I told my therapist. She called me brave. I just felt relieved; and it turned out to be perfect timing. I won't get into it, but the very next day something happened that made me very glad that I had begun the process of dealing with that issue in therapy.
Happily, I also made a little progress on the small-talk front. I was in a situation I would usually avoid (traveling with several people I didn't know well). On the way to the destination, I hid behind a book; but on the way back, I relaxed and chatted. Ha! Simple?! Not for me. Don't know yet if I made a complete fool of myself, but I definitely didn't let my shy side win.
As for pictures, I'm taking one per day of myself - just as my own little self-therapy, not for anyone to see. As an actor, I can't afford to be uncomfortable in front of the camera. Ironically, a bunch of high school pics have surfaced on Facebook, and I can see that even as a kid I shied away. While another girl in my "clique" was like Beyoncé to Destiny's Child, always in the center, I'm on the outer edge of each picture. Just how long have I relegated myself?