Saturday, May 14, 2016

Power of a little compliment


While getting my bi-monthly bikini wax by the Maya, aka the best damn waxer on in the galaxy and the only person with consistent access to my hoo-hoo for more over a decade now, I lay naked on the table feeling like a walrus. Just a big, brown warbly expanse of smooth, shiny blubber. Yes.....I'm still struggling to get my get dress size below my shoe size. (Well, struggle isn't really the word since I don't actually work on it much, instead I just oscillate between lament and defiance. Aging is awful, people! The body just doesn't snap back on its own anymore! Losing weight used to be effortless, now it requires work and I'm having trouble adjusting to that.) Anyway, laying naked there, I had a vision of myself as this walrus and usually that kind of self-hate sends me straight to tears, but this day it didn't and here's why.

A few minutes before that, a man hit on me. Not in a sleazy way! Actually, maybe....I mean he was my Uber driver. So.... But still! You have no idea how long it's been since someone (one the male side of the species) has complimented me on my looks. Hell, I have no idea...years maybe?! My experience with being fat is that people simply ignore me. In shops, restaurants, bars, I'm literally ignored until ask for service. In social environments, people don't approach me. Being a fat actress drastically reduces the roles available. And don't get me started on the nightmare of dating while fat...

Feels like I've been sliding into ugly for so long that I've just accepted being undesirable and therefore undeserving. I reassure myself all the time that "ugly girls" need love too, and that they do get loved! So I'll get lucky too. But, reality feels bleaker. That's why...wow... the power of an old-fashioned compliment from a man to a woman face to face felt immense... Years ago, I would've dismissed those types of "compliments" as shallow; now I see how powerful they can be. He changed my outlook that day with just a few positive sentences. Yeah, he was "just" the Uber driver and maybe he flirts with all his passengers. But this fat girl riddled with insecurities who rarely gets that kind of attention from a guy, floated on air for a good couple of days thanks to those sweet words. I, walrus-looking or not, was still beautiful, vivacious and desirable.

If you're reading this, please go compliment a woman in your life RIGHT NOW. Tell her you think she's the most beautiful thing in the world. Tell her she takes your breath away. Tell her that her smile lights you up. Say something wonderful. It makes all the difference.

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