Sunday, February 28, 2010

Lessons from the internet dating game

I'm not even close to the halfway mark of my goal, but I've gone on enough internet dates now to learn a few things:
1.  The internet is for practice only.  Really meeting people has to happen in real life in real circumstances.  The internet is just a great tool to sharpen your dating skills.
2.  Meet up quickly.  No use investing time and energy in endless emails/IMs/texts, then meeting up and finding out there's no real physical chemistry there.
3.  Keep the first date short.  Meet up for a happy hour drink and leave within 1.5 hours.  Then meet up with friends.  If he never calls back you won't feel like you've wasted time and if he is interested, you've left him wanting more.  Capping the time also helps you avoid awkward intimacy issues that come up when you hang out until the wee hours (kiss or no kiss, touch or no touch...  all this should be saved for another date).
4.  Drinking is ok (it loosens you up), just keep to a 2 drink limit (don't get too loose).
5.  Dress your absolute best.  Show off whatever figure assets you've got. (Tastefully, of course!)  You are definitely being judged on how you look - that's reality.
6.  Do something empowering before the date.  Workout, pay a debt, beat a challenge, whatever....  Your confidence will be boosted and whatever flaws you're self-conscious about will feel more under control.
7.  Keep the conversation positive and interesting.  Talk about your passions.
8.  Don't talk about past relationships, your job, things you detest...  Nobody wants to hear all that the first time they meet you.
9.  Remember what your Mama said, "If you don't have anything good to say, don't say anything at all."  So watch what you say and pay attention to what he says.  Beware of dubious compliments like "You're cute" or "Your look is really earthy"...  A real compliment from a guy comes in the way he would brag about you to his friends, "She's beautiful" or "She's gorgeous"... not "She's got an interesting style"..."
10.  Even great dates can result in nothing.  People are good actors.  You can have an awesome date, he can tell you he's had a great time and looks forward to seeing you again, but then you never hear from him again.  It happens.  And we do that to guys sometimes, too.  So enjoy the date for what it is, an opportunity to meet a new person and have a quick drink - nothing more.
11.  Profile photos:  Post pics that others have taken of you; too many of the self-portrait "arm-out" shots gets weird.  Don't post pics with your ex cut-out or blacked-out (that just screams psycho).  If your weight is up and down, post pics showing you both ways; that way nobody's unpleasantly surprised.  No more than one picture should be shirtless (what are you actually selling?).  Photos showing you doing you favorite activities are great; so are shots showing you with your friends - it shows you have a life.
12.  Pay attention.  The majority of communication is non-verbal.  Tune in.  You'll learn more about your date and yourself that way.

1 comment:

  1. Just do some online snooping before you get serious.

    Are you dating a psycho?
    Dating Psychos is a place to post what you know about your ex psychos
    Click Here to Add and Check Out the Psychos



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