Thursday, November 19, 2009

Love: How? Where?

My last post must have been a bit unsettling.  I never think anyone is reading this and then I post a comment like that and my phone starts ringing with friends asking if I'm ok.  So, first of all, thank you for caring and reading, even if you don't leave written comments...  ;-)
And now, to offset that last post, I'm going to write about something fun.  Love!  ...or the pursuit of it...  If you remember, I set a goal of going on 50 dates in one year - basically one date a week.  Then I stalled; I just didn't have the time or the heart.  Bah humbug!  The Plenty of Fish dating website registration was useless, I was overwhelmed by random men requesting to text/email/IM me at all hours of the day and night. (Who has the time?  Don't these guys have jobs?!)  A friend of mine said it best: "There are a lot of desperate guys out there".  It's really sexist that we only hear stories about how desperate single women are because there is no doubt that there are just as many, if not more, men in the same position.  But I told myself to loosen up and allowed 2 of the guys to email me privately.  Big mistake!  One called and texted me obsessively  dozens of times a day then sent me insults for not replying; the other IM'ed me detailed accounts of his gay/bi fantasies AT MY JOB (blocked him immediately, but it was still embarrassing)!
So I decided to go back to the real world and date men I could assess in person and in normal situations.  An old friend confessed his "feelings" for me and asked out on a proper first date.  I had serious doubts (not only because of our friendship, but because I wasn't attracted to him and feared a bad ending).  But I said yes, anyway.  Another mistake!  The date was, of course, awkward and exactly what I'd feared happened: I hurt his feelings and, now, I've lost a friend.
What's even weirder is that during that very date, another guy asked me out.  He was a Fabio-esque Frenchmen  tending bar (which, it turned out, he owned) where I was waiting for my friend.  He was bold and fun, so I accepted his dinner invitation, evn though he was not at all my type.  A week later, we trolled the Lower East Side, slipping in and out of brasseries and sloppily making out while the Yankees won the World Series.  Sure, a mistake, but a fun one!  French Fabio made me feel adventurous.  Like a gentleman, he called the next day and the next...and like a jackass, I ignored all the calls.  How to let this guy down easily.  He didn't want a serious relationship, so it wouldn't have been a big deal, but was so afraid of just saying the words - I even asked my therapist about it (she told me to just do it, it'd be good exercise for me).  That was two weeks ago and I still haven't called back.
Wait, this post was supposed to be fun, right?  I guess the fun part was that I felt so much freer flirting face to face.  The online thing is just too removed.  There's something sexy about about the nervous energy in the air when you meet a guy face to face - whereas there's nothing sexy about being harassed in cyberspace.

I've got 3 dates lined up this week - all on Friday, so that'll be interesting...

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